The Day the Lord Broke My Bible

God doesn’t need a burning bush, a whale in the sea or a meeting on the mountaintop to check in on you and speak truth into your life. He will meet you where you are and use whatever He wants to get your attention. He is God.

And in 2020 the Lord literally broke apart my Bible to get my attention and to start breaking apart the lies that I had about rest. Of course, it happened in 2020 because why not? Everything else was breaking and breaking down last year. Including me. And maybe you, too.

I know I wasn’t the only person hitting a wall. I don’t remember the exact date my Bible broke but I know on that day I was done. Over it. And I wanted the pandemic to end so everything could go back to normal. This was around the middle of April 2020 and I knew the pandemic was far from over. It was in that environment that the Lord decided to get my attention by breaking the one thing I would grab in my house in the event of a fire or tornado (besides my family and dogs). It’s my Bible.

And it all went down in the holiest of holies--my closet.  (Don’t act like you don’t have your own hiding place in your house. If you are a mom, you definitely do.) For me, the closet in our bedroom is the space furthest from everyone in our house and I can shut three doors to block myself off. Added bonus: If I turn on the dryer in the laundry room that shares a wall with my closet, the household noises are drowned out, too.  

In that space on that day, I remember feeling so broken. So tired. So barely holding on and keeping it together. The pandemic. The racial and political divides. Working 60 hour work weeks remotely. Helping our teenagers with online school and guiding them through being cut off from friends and family and activities they loved. Sharing an office space with my husband and best friend who likes to sing when he works. (Um. I do not.) Trying to lead almost our entire staff to learn how to do ministry differently. On that day, I felt frustrated. I felt angry. I felt helpless. I felt confused. I felt alone. I felt done. I was so very very exhausted in my spirit and felt like I had nothing left to give although my family needed me, my colleagues needed me, and the people I ministered to each Sunday needed me to keep showing up with love and patience and grace and compassion.

But I felt like I had none left to give. So I turned to Jesus and picked up my Bible.

That’s the Moment He Broke My Bible

And my Bible fell apart on me. And if I thought I was done before, I was definitely over it then. My anger went off the charts.

Me and that Bible had been together for 17 years and now during a pandemic of all things it fell apart at the seams. I had been praying that I needed a break, but I didn’t expect God to answer my prayer this way. I meant a break from living in the unknown. A break from keeping it all together while trying to move life forward. A break from all the divides and fears and questions. A break from suffering. A break from arguing. A break from anxiety and fear. A break from pollen. (Yes. That’s a thing here in the southern US.)

Instead, the Lord chose to break my Bible as a way to get my attention. How did I respond? I cried an ugly cry and prayed some ugly, angry prayers and I read the pages of our history together. And I ugly cried some more. 

And I remembered.

On the pages, I had written the story of our relationship, my prayers and God’s responses and revelations to me over the years were marked next to verse after verse. Prayers and wisdom about moving, next steps, our finances, our jobs, our marriage, parenting. There was the verse I prayed for healing for my dad when he had open heart surgery and there was the Psalm I used to praise God when He healed him. There were the numerous verses I prayed over my sister and brother-in-law as he battled cancer. And there was the verse I turned to when God chose to heal Steve in heaven. 

When the Lord broke my Bible, He broke open the story of our shared memories.  Verse after verse, margin scribble after margin scribble the story of God listening and responding and rescuing and healing were all there in this Bible. 

The pages tore free from the spine and whole sections of paper lay around my closet floor. 2020 broke my Bible but it did not break my faith in the Lord.  As I sat there in my closet, with the pages of our history together scattered about I felt His peace and rest surround me.

Because I remembered.

When He broke my Bible, He broke open my memories of our relationship. He reminded me of how He had shown up and delivered me each and every time, Not always the way I had expected or wanted but always in the way that was best...even if it took me years to see. 

Lots of things broke in 2020.  We all carry our own pieces from that fractured year. But honestly, lots of things break all of the time. We live in a broken world, but the Lord offers us rest from the brokenness.  His rest can be found when we remember His eternal story of rescue and love and grace and the intentional ways He invites us into His story.

YES. Remembering is a simple act but this simple act can draw us closer to God, make us feel more joyful and bring a sense of rest and peace into our lives.

If you want to stop living your life from a place of stress and striving and start walking in joy and rest then remember the Lord. Remember Who He is. Remember Who you are to Him. Remember what He has already delivered you from in the story you share.

There is rest to be found in the remembering.

Need more rest? Join the club.

Well, it’s not an actual club with a free secret decoder ring, but you will receive a digital download of my 4-Day Devotional, Simplifying Rest, as a free gift. Plus, the 4th of each month I’ll send you 4 resources to help you get the rest you need. YES! I need more rest!